i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
