if you like me you must not know who I am
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
