you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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