i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
