trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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