i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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