i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
