random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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