Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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