Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
