I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
