You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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