i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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