yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my poor anus
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
