Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
