That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
