My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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