I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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