Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
