did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
