his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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