Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
