I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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