Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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