Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
