We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
