I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize