id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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