I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he thought i was a dude.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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