question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize