Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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