All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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