I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
