I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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