Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
