Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
