I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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