I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize