you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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