Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
