It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
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He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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