How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found your dick twin last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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