Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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