I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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