I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
