wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
