What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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