I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
