i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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