There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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