i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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