I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
