Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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