So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is Oprah even human
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
