i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
