You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
