The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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