i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
