i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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