The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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