I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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