Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Randomize
