I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
