Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And then he peed in my hair
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