How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
