I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize