Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the raccoons are back...
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