Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When are your genitals available?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
