Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
