physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
