You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
