I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
