Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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