If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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