Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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