i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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