ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
