We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize