I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
