oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize