We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
