Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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