i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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