ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
