I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
