Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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