Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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