we have officially lost it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
