another moral hangover. fuck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
