He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
