yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
